How to write poems about family

Especially during the holiday season.

It was a peculiar sight. Our thrifted cherry-red couch, as always, had been pushed to the edge of the living room. Its peeling leather peeked out only in small slivers beneath four bowls perched on top. Each one brimmed over with gifts, flooding onto the floor.

It was our first Christmas in Canada.

In Russian Mennonite tradition, children don’t hang stockings or wait for the glow of a Christmas tree with piles of wrapped gifts beneath it. No mistletoe (thank goodness) or garlands grace the house.

Instead, each child places a mixing bowl on the couch the night before Christmas. Bowls, plain and unceremonious, are the only sign of an incoming celebration.

My three siblings and I battled the kitchen cupboard every year for the biggest one. Inevitably, the loser—usually my youngest sister—ended up with the puke bowl.

In Mexico, where I was born into a Russian Mennonite farming colony, Christmas was stripped to its simplest joys. A good harvest might mean an orange and a bag of peanuts for each child. In leaner years, my grandmother fashioned dolls out of cornhusks for her daughters.

I spent the first four Christmases in Mexico, and I don’t remember any of them.

When we first immigrated to Canada, my father made minimum wage framing houses, which was inevitably difficult for our family financially. Yet, somehow, Christmas became a miracle. We qualified for the coveted government assistance Christmas program, where a wealthy family would take a low-income family’s wish list and shop for them.

As I’m writing this, I am starting to remember all my Christmases. They are tumbling together like snowballs, catching speed. Some dirt and gravel catch along the way.

As I'm writing this, I am trying to mosaic my way to the truth.

What I mean by this is that I flip over a piece of my family's story. Maybe the first shard is cherry red, like the couch. I peer at it, notice its edges, and listen. Most of the time, it speaks. Sometimes, I cut my finger on it, and the blood, too, indicates the inevitable arrival of a poem.

I tell myself I don’t need to flip over the entire picture. One piece at a time.

If you’re like me, you’ll spend a lot of time with your family this season. And if you’re also a writer, these moments will seep into your work, often without permission.

Writing about family isn’t easy, but it’s usually inevitable. Here’s how.

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How to Write Poems About Family

Timestamps:

Storytime: 00:34

Step #1: — 1:46

Step#2: — 3:07

Step #3: — 4:19

Poetry Prompt: — 5:24

How to publish poems about family: — 7:11-11:18

#1: Forage for pieces in old photographs and heirlooms.

The first step towards writing a poem is constantly foraging. We do this with our eyes wide open and our hearts softened. We are continually tasting, smelling, seeing, and feeling. These sensory inputs are the raw materials for our creative output.

If we alter the inputs, we can (hopefully) alter the outputs. For a family poem, this might look like going through old family photos, calling a relative and reminiscing, or treasuring an heirloom between your index and forefinger. Immerse yourself in the place where you will most likely bump into a poem. Give yourself the best chance of stumbling upon new words.

Once you’ve found something of resonance, notice what went previously unnoticed. Maybe you can catch the subtle glint of anger in a relative’s face right before the photo was snapped. That’s a story. Perhaps your grandmother’s teacups are all worn in the same spot, in the exact shape of her pinky. Imagine writing an entire poem about the shape of your grandmother’s pinky—incredible.

#2": Write one piece at a time.

As I mentioned, our families and their stories, emotions, and memories are mosaics. Each little piece comes together to create the entire picture—yet it also exists separately.

Don’t try to overturn the entire mosaic in one poem. Turn one piece over at a time. Gently lift it and notice what’s underneath. Is it a story? An emotion? A lesson? A warning?

*Paid subscribers have access to the rest of this post, including a detailed video lesson, a prompt to guide you through writing a poem about family this holiday season, and a community discussion in the comments.