I'm going to take a moment to breathe

My health, my loves, my life

Hi friends,

At the beginning of this lunar cycle, in my writing community, we set intentions for the upcoming lunar cycle. One of mine was to say no to some things so I can say yes to the right things. I am a chronic full-plater. An overachiever. A say-yeser. I lap up opportunities like holy water. So I’m dying a little inside as I type this. For the first time since writing poetry and sharing it online, I halted my poetry prompts mid-month. Maybe you noticed, maybe you didn’t. (You know the thing about how no one notices the things you lose sleep over. That. I’m hoping that’s true.)

What is also true is that I haven’t been feeling myself. I was diagnosed with endometriosis last year, and my cycles have progressively gotten worse. I’ve had only one cycle in the past twelve months that has been shorter than 45 days. My luteal phase is sometimes almost three weeks long. Three weeks of intense brain fog, apathy, fibroid pain, piercing body aches, and mood swings. I have about three good hours in the day. And god, there are so many lovely and great things I want to cram into those three hours. A short and incomplete list:

• I want to write poems so prickly they can pierce through hard hearts. Long ones. Short ones. Blue ones. Rough ones.

• I want to read ravenously.

• I want to continue to support and nurture the beautiful souls in my writing community, Gather. I have so much to give. I really do. This is where it wants to go.

• I want to edit my latest manuscript and submit it to my agent by the summer. Woot!

• I want to try to grow heirloom tomatoes in my garden. Purple ones, especially.

• I’m getting married next summer, and Corey and I want to plan a truly poetic wedding.

• I want to allow myself to cry for the first time in twelve months. Or at least figure out how I used to be able to do it so effortlessly. I miss that.

I won’t budge on these, which means I will (sadly) have to let go of a few other things for a period of time.

I don’t have the capacity to create prompts for the rest of the month. I’m also going to pause billing for this newsletter for all paid subscribers. If you are a paid subscriber, your monthly payment won’t be processed until further notice, and if you are an annual subscriber, your subscription will be prorated to extend once billing resumes. Any questions? Feel free to email me: theguelphpoet@gmail.com. You’re also welcome to cancel entirely if that feels right for you.

Will I still occasionally write and share on my Substack? Yes. I’ll send periodic updates on my life, my community, my writing events, etc. But, for now, the craft lessons, the poetry deep dives, and editing sessions will be on pause as I catch my breath. As my body tries to find its way back to itself.

I appreciate all of you for understanding. In the meantime, here are a few things I’ve been loving this month so far that I think you might too.

April Favs/Joys

1. I bought a dress with tomatoes on it! If you’re in Canada, they have them at Winners right now. Run, don’t walk. So we can match ofc.

   

2. I revisited “Night Sky With Exit Wounds” by Ocean Vuong alongside a honey latte from my favourite local coffee shop. Perfection. I think this was on a Tuesday, and the light flooded the floor, warming my toes through my mesh ballet flats. It felt like a holy defrost. One I desperately needed.

   

3. I wrote the following poem on a day when I felt healthy. It’s a short one. And it won’t win any awards, but it made me smile. I hope it does the same for you.

   

   Sending love and chat soon,

   Maria

P.S. I’m more active on Instagram if you’d like to join me there for now! You can find my account here!