My stinky old love poems need help

Edit a four year old love poem with me

I thought I had two choices when I sat down to write something love-related this morning. I was either going to tell you the story of how Corey and I met and fell (unexpectedly) in love, despite him being the complete opposite of what I thought my “type” was. Or I was going to tell you the (hilarious) story of how one of my exes broke up with me and then, many years later, asked for a poetry commission. Lol.

It turns out I’m not doing either today. BUT, we are skipping down memory lane. Hobbling, actually, I suppose.

I’m going to be super vulnerable and share one of the first love poems I’ve ever written. It’s in rough shape. Its paint is peeling at the edges. But I don’t believe I’ve ever met a poem I couldn’t polish. So, I'm going to rework it and edit it with you!

I always think it’s really useful to see a poet’s progress and edits and understand WHY they made them.

Here is the original poem. You know it’s a relic because none of my i’s are capitalized, and I use slashes like a bottle of sprinkles. (Iykyk). We listen, and we don’t judge.

---

The Original

The In-Between Brainstorming

(It’s okay; I’m usually not this mean to myself.)

There’s a lot I want to change about this poem. Sometimes, it’s easier to shelve a poem like this one, but I believe I can turn it into a good poem. Perhaps I’ll let you be the judge of that.

---

The Revised Poem

and WHY I made the changes I did.